Feedback, Conflict, & De-escalation Acronyms & Support Sheet
De-escalation, Conflict, & Feedback Support Sheet & Acronyms <3
Compiled by Laila R. Makled
Care plan
It is critical that we all have a care plan and a of practice using the care plan if we are going to be using any of the following tools. Here is an example of a care plan.
A care plan is a list or drawing or description of tools, rituals, and techniques you can do before, during, and after a moment of activation, a hard conversation, or anything at all that could bring up emotions to access grounding (fun emotions and not-so-fun emotions!).
Preparing for feedback conversations
Journal or think about these questions: I best give/receive feedback:
With or without a primer?
Writing, voice note, in person, combination?
Time of day?
What are signs that I’m feeling dysregulated and needing support?
How do I care for myself when I’m feeling activated (i.e. refer to care plan, ask for a short break, co-regulate with nature)?
What plans can I have in place to feel fully supported (i.e. refer to care plan, be fed & hydrated, have a friend to process with after, have a fidget toy with me)?
What do I need to give/receive this feedback authentically (i.e. know the person’s intentions or hopes, clarity around the ask, grounding in my values, space to have feelings?
GAAP for giving feedback (can be non-linear):
Give (Give the information you want to deliver. Concisely and authentically)
Acknowledge (body sensations, feelings, thoughts, context, power dynamics)
Assess (do I have a need, request, concern, gratitude, excitement, curiosity, desire or offer that I would like to make known?)
Prepare (What do I know about myself and this person that would make delivering this feedback as easeful as possible? How can I take care of myself while also making space for reactions?)
PCRI for receiving feedback (can be non-linear):
Pause (to check on body sensations, feelings, thoughts, context, power dynamics)
Confirm (you understand what the person is saying with questions & curiosity)
Receive (with gratitude, curiosity, acknowledgement)
Integrate (the feedback, if you would like)
UNMASK for navigating conflict with people you care about or want to build solidarity with:
Understand what’s happening (am i triggered, activated, defensive, hurt, harmed, etc? Where is it coming from? How has this dynamic played out for me in the past? What power dynamics are at play? What do I need to do to move forward with this person?)
Notice harsh narratives about yourself or the other person (are these thoughts based in my known reality about this person/me or am I just hurt and needing some affirmation/an apology/love or both?)
Make space for your emotions (don’t try to stuff them down and pretend like you’re not hurt, give yourself time and grace to consider what you need and why you are having the reaction you’re having)
Ask for space (time, physical, type of communication)
Soothe your nervous system (consult your care plan, co-regulation, nature regulation, ancestor prayer,meditate, journal, get hydrated/fed, talk with someone not involved)
Know there is love between you and the other person(s)
S.E.A Urgency
Learn more about identifying urgency here: outtherecommunication.net/blog/seaurgency
Being able to notice what urgency feels like in the body can allow you to SEA: Stop, Explore & Ask:
Stop what you’re doing.
Explore what sensations and feelings are coming up in your body, where they’re coming up, and what thoughts are associated with the sensations. Explore ways to calm your nervous system (what are some things you can do for yourself that would be soothing?)
Ask yourself if this is actually urgent, or if you can step away for now and come back to it another time? if it is not urgent, what do you want to be doing that is not being fueled by urgency?
Radical Mental Health First Aide ACTION Plan for people who gather people
The Radical Mental Health First Aide Action Plan was created by Oumou Sylla and the questions were written by Laila Makled in collaboration with Oumou
A (assess situation/context/capacity/environment)
-Are there other people around witnessing what I’m witnessing / already tending to the situation?
-Has anyone’s physical body been harmed? Is anyone bleeding or physically wounded?
-What is my capacity to show care in this situation? Is it my place to step in?
-Do I need medical staff/other support?
-Where would I take this person if they are able to move and want to go somewhere quiet?
-Are we in a high traffic area and are there any physical barriers I need to create to protect this person’s safety?
-Is there escalating conflict between two people where physical separation may be necessary to protect those around them?
C - (center consent, care and curiosity)
-Make yourself known as someone who wants to support: state your name (if person doesn’t know you or if the person does and they are in distress, and that you’re there to provide whatever kind of care folks are needing/desiring
-Do not assume you know what this person needs
-Inquire how the person is feeling, what is hurting, what’s coming up for them, etc.
-Inquire what kind of care the person thinks they need
-Inquire if they are with anyone or if there is anyone they’d like you to call for support
-Always ask permission before providing advice, getting close, and initiating touch (i.e. “can i provide some options for ways i might be able to support you? “can I get closer to you so we can talk?” “can i put this blanket over your shoulder?”
-Check in with this person about their sensory needs.
T - Tackle one need at a time
*items with a * next to them are Excerpts from: We Keep Us Safe: Creating Safer Spaces by Ejeris Dixon
-Inquire about basic needs such as sensory (sound, touch, visual), water, food, sleep, affection from a loved one
-Inquire if there are any needs to address that feel like they are priority
-Take a break, learn about what happened, and if there is conflict between two or more folks, see if there is a way to create more safety for participants other than removal (i.e. can there be space btwn participants, can there be agreements, is there another space happening that the other person can join?)*
-If verbal violence happens, interrupt it (if the group doesn't first), take a break, debrief the incident, and collaboratively revisit the agenda, even if that means canceling the rest of the day’s facilitation*
-If physical violence happens, get the group away from the people who are involved and physically separate folks from each other*
-When these issues are resolved, divide roles among group members to check on the individuals involved and see what’s needed*
I - identify power dynamics social location, mindset
-What power dynamics are feeding into the conflict?
-How are disabled and other multiply marginalized/oppressed folks experiencing the space?
-What power do I hold in this situation?
-Is my desire to support coming from a white savior/martyr mindset?
-Is this person (consensually) allowing me to care for them or are they (reluctantly) accepting my care?
-what is your and the other person’s brain space looking, feeling, feeling and sounding like?
O - Offer Options
-Is there someone I can call for support?
-Would you like me or someone else to support you with what’s going on?
-Do you need water, food or a blanket?
-Do you need to cool down?
-Would you like to move somewhere quieter so we can chat?
-Would you like us to do some co-regulation with touch, land, breath, or movement?
-Is there any way I can help you move your body that would make you feel more comfortable?
-Can I call you a lyft home?
-Do you need to go to the bathroom?
N - Nervous system regulation (yours and the other person(s)!)
-Reference your care plan (having thought ahead of time what strategies help you ground)
-Land regulation - trees, clouds, sand, regulating with earth.
-Lineage / ancestor / community regulation - alters, talk to ancestors aloud, rituals
-Solo - shaking, self hug, breathing, body scan, butterfly tapping
-Co-regulation - person to person or person to animal. eye gazing, consensual touching, offering or receiving a hug