When I was 22, I arrived in Washington, D.C for my first paid job in an office. I was feeling confident, ready to show the world what I was capable of. After no time at all, one of the senior staff members in the office took to talking down to me. At the time, I felt confused and hurt by his communication. I had just gotten there, and had no idea what I had done to create such animosity between us after having interacted for less than a week.
At first, I brushed it off, but the poor treatment continued. After a few weeks, I decided I was going to say something. Heart pounding and tight chest, I walked into his office and asked if we could talk. When he said yes, I inquired if there was something I was doing to cause him to talk to me the way he had been. His response was to laugh right in my face, continuing his streak of emotional bullying. He brushed me off completely, told me there was nothing I could do differently, and sent me on my way.
This was the first of many times in the workplace where it was made clear to me that my feelings did not matter, regardless of the emotional and physical harm I was experiencing. Over the next eight years, I spent countless hours wondering why communicating directly in the workplace about what I was experiencing was often deemed confrontational or negative, and wasn't welcome. In fact, over and over, it was met with anger, animosity, and degradation.
And it wasn’t just in the workplace, it was in my personal life too. I had relationships where gaslighting was normal, feeling small and tight and trepidation was normal. I thought this was all part of life, part of love.
Eventually, why this was happening to me, and so many others that I loved, became clear. Through studying the leaders and literature that center anti-capitalist, pro-Black, pro-indigenous, pro-immigrant, disability justice, queer liberation, pleasure, and direct communication.; as well as spending countless hours fumbling through setting and executing boundaries and consent; the clouds of clarity parted. It wasn’t that I was too much, or that I wasn’t trying hard enough, it was that our society was purposefully built so that our feelings and how they were affecting us came last, and profits came first.
Of course, this is not new information; however, the powers at be do their absolute best to make sure we don’t have it. To make sure that we are disconnected from our bodies, other living beings, mother earth, and our ancestors. Thankfully, on the other side of the american capitalist patriarchal white supremacist propaganda machine is a treasure trove of information and practices ready to be unearthed by the masses. Information that can help guide us through showing up as our most authentic selves and building communities of care.
It is not something that comes overnight - the journey is long - so long that it will continue through our lifetime and lifetimes to come. You’ve heard the phrase “when one door closes, another door opens”; however, people rarely talk about how long the hallway is to get from one door to another. Thankfully, with enough practice, we can learn to listen to what our bodies are saying to us, and make decisions that are in line with our values and how we want to show up in the world.
That is the journey I want to take you on. A journey of:
Self discovery
Giving yourself permission to show up exactly as you are while also holding yourself accountable to yourself and your community
Learning to listen to your body, and applying those lessons to how you treat and communicate to everything and everyone around you
Running a business or organization/managing a team that prioritizes rest, love, and joy over upholding oppressive systems
Building loving interpersonal relationships that are showered in an abundance of care, shared reality, and mutual respect
Will you join me?
*People whose works have inspired me:
Imani Barbarin, adrienne marie brown, Angela Davis, Annika Hansteen-Izora, bell hooks, oumou sylla, meenadchi, audre lorde, Mia Schachter, Kim TallBear, Nedra Tawwab, and many many others. <3