Moving through the discomfort of boundary setting

Yeahhhh…setting boundaries is cool, but have you ever spiraled after setting a boundary?

You work up all the confidence to say what you need to say, you say it, and then you are fully in doubt and denial that what you did was the right thing.

Especially if the person that you’re setting a boundary with didn’t react super well..maybe they were hurt, or didn’t want you to set that boundary.

Maybe you’ve spent so long letting this boundary slip, that when you finally put your foot down, you feel grief, because you were this person for so long - even if it was beyond your capacity.

The good news is, this part of the boundary setting process is SUPER NORMAL. Most everyone I talk to about setting boundaries struggles with this part.

It’s not necessarily setting the boundary, though that can be hard.

It’s the part right after where your feeling a lot of uncertainly about what you just did…

Wondering if the person is still gonna want to hang out…or if you’re still going to have a job…

Of course I can’t speak to all relationships, but part of this practice is surrounding ourselves with people who care about us and respect our needs, desires, and capacities. Ideally, if this person cares about your relationship, they will work through the feelings they need to work through to make sure you’re respected. Even if you have to repeat yourself, which is also VERY NORMAL!

If the moments after setting a boundary are difficult for you, let yourself sit in it, and see what comes up, and also let yourself be proud that you did set the boundary that you wanted to set!!!

Once those hard feelings leave your body, what’s left over? Understanding these pieces are an incredible important part of building somatic body awareness, and building trust with yourself and others.

If after you’ve let the dust setting you’re still like, I don’t know if this was the right boundary to set, you can always adjust, which is another great thing about boundaries - they can change!!!

Also…maybe after you set the boundary you feel freaking amazing! Just maybe…maybe you made the right decision for you and you set a boundary that feels right. :)