UNMASK: a liberation-inspired framework for navigating conflict
Understand the context
Notice harsh narratives
Make space for emotions
Ask for space
Soothe your nervous system
Know love/desire to connect is present
UNMASK is a non-linear acronym and framework for navigating conflict or tension with people we want to build solidarity with. It is a tool for us to see each other in our fullness, practice accountability, and seek re-connection. You may use some, all or none of these in moments of conflict!
The acronym UNMASK was inspired by autistic/adhd disability justice language.
Unmasking as it relates to autism/adhd is the practice of showing your full self, outside of societies expectations for how we are meant to act and express.
My hope is that this UNMASK acronym & tool can be used to see each other in all of our complexities as we work to build genuine relationships that bring us the accountability, space, and inspiration we need to fight back.
This is one of many tools you can find in feedback, De-escalation, Conflict & Feedback Support Sheet & Acronyms <3
It is also a part of a longer book that I am working on, get on my newsletter for updates about the book! <3
(Understand the context)NMASK
Am I/the other person triggered, activated, confused, surprised, defensive, hurt, harmed, angry, sad, etc.?
What exactly is causing this reaction?
What bodily sensations are showing up & where?
How has this dynamic played out for me/the other person in the past?
What power dynamics are present? (class, race, gender, job, sexuality, disability, etc.)
What do I need to move forward with this person? (self-reflection, space, affirmation, an apology, etc.)
U(Notice harsh narratives)MASK
Notice harsh narratives about yourself and the other person. Try to approach with curiosity and gentleness.
Are these harsh thoughts based in my known reality about this person/me?
How is capitalism, abelism, sexism, individualism, racism, classism, etc., fueling these narratives?
What biases am I holding about what should be happening?
How can I express these harsh feelings in a way that honors my experience (journaling, talking to a friend, art, telling it to the person, etc.)?
UN(Make space)ASK
To express and receive emotions with those in the conflict and trusted loved ones/comrades
To grapple with feelings we’re having a hard time grappling with - even if there is resistance and a desire to push down
To give yourself time and grace to understand what you/the other person needs and why you/the other person are having the reaction you/they are having
UNM(Ask for space)SK
Physically separate (for any amount of time)
Leave the location we are currently in (step outside, go somewhere quieter, go to a different room, etc.)
Take a break from communicating at all (via some combination or all: in-person, phone, voice note, text message, etc. for any amount of time)
Take a break from talking about the conflict (can be nice to have an understanding that we will check-in about it another time)
UNMA(Soothe your nervous system)K
Make a care plan for yourself & others before these moments occur (or before they happen again).
A care plan is a list or drawing or description of tools, rituals, and techniques that help us access grounding that you can do before, during, and after a moment of activation, a hard conversation, or anything at all that could bring up emotions
Some care plan examples include:
nature regulation
ancestor prayer
meditate
journal
get hydrated/fed
UNMAS(Know love/desire to connect is present)
Accessing love or a desire to connect, in whatever form, is necessary to move through conflict
Love for each other, love for ourselves, love for the land, love for the struggle, and/or love for our dreams
Conflict is not always resolved with a pretty bow. Sometimes, the resolution is that you’re not going to find understanding and that it’s time to move on for now. That is a form of love/desire for connection
Love helps us stay open to re-connection when and if it happens